Honestly Guys

You know what... Honestly I don't really care anymore!

No, I don't!!

You see, I've been involved in all this Thirty Day Challenge stuff, and I'm almost not quite sure why I do it....

Yeah, I want to have my own business and make money through it and stuff, but the way the Thirty Day Challenge stuff is really isn't my style.

No, I'm not diss-ing Ed Dale or Dan Raine or anything.... or even Frank Kern who was part of it in the past!

I really look up to these guys and they know what they're talking about... they're geniuses.

So What Is It?

I am not quite entirely sure of that myself... but here are a few guesses of what it might be:

My Job...

First, and probably foremost is the fact that I work... yes, I work a horrible job... at the worst time of day...

I work at Wegmans... which might be a great place to work anywhere else, but working on the night-crew is tough.... tougher than anyone might expect.

Sure, it's just stocking shelves but that's not necessarily the issue.

It's the fact that you have to take a lot of flack from management and all of their incompetence... stupid annoying managers, power-tripping managers, managers that don't know a [blooming] thing... just plain dumb managers!

Don't get me wrong. Some, or most of the managers I've had are great... but it's those few managers that [stink] beyond all telling that totally ruin it!

But besides just management working on the night-crew is extremely stressful... it's stressful on the body and can be stressful mentally.

Sometimes it's enough to make you
totally want to give up on everything!

And then there's the time factor...

I dont' have the time I would like to have - working over 40 hours a week most of the time - to work on the stuff I would like to work on... which isn't even going into the fact that if I ever have a little time I'm worn out from work or so mentally stressed that I can't concentrate on much of anything!

Debt...

Probably one of the other top most reasons for my mass confusion is my debt...

I should explain that for the last few years I have managed to rack up debt in excess of $7,000 just on my credit cards.... which has been paying it's toll on me for the past year and a half.

And most if it wasn't really stuff that helped me any, between at least $500 in school books and $3,500 in a really crappy online business coaching service that didn't even tell me anything I didn't already know!... I could have avoided a lot of it!

I've been gradually been paying that off for the first year... but since I've gone full-time at Wegmans I've been trying to get rid of that burden once and for all!

I am actually pretty close to paying off the debt on my credit cards and expect to have all paid off by the end of next month. Horray!

But that doesn't even touch the surface when it comes to my school loans, though!

Yes, like every little boy and girl (Who doesn't have mommy and daddy or someone else pay for their college expenses in full) I had to take out student loans to pay for my stupid lame-old college education...

And quite honestly it really hasn't done anything for me and probably never will (to any great extent)... since business is something you learn in practice, not in books!

So as a result I had racked up school loans of like $21,354.

So if you can do the math I have, or had, debt of almost $30,000!

Okay, sure that might not seem like a whole lot to some people, or at least just looking at the numbers... but in comparison to the diddly-squat amount that I make, it's surprising at how much I've been able to do with my credit card debt!

I barely make enough money for anyone to live out on their own... not to mention anyone with huge amounts of college loans to pay off!

I barely make $15,000 a year and having to pay my parents rent every month (which is only a couple hundred less than renting anywhere else, though food and meals are included) plus other financial obligations...

I'm surprised that I've been able to sanely make it this far (though some people might question that).

Not Doing What I Like...

I guess that's what it pretty much boils down to.

I'm not doing anything that I like!

Quite honestly I would rather be sitting up in my room or small office and doing web design and coding stuff all day long... that's what I find fascinating and interesting and fun.

But the trouble is with all these other barriers in my way - mostly financial - that I can't just go and do that... unless someone would offer to pay off all my loans, and provide me food and housing with the web space and stuff to do that!

That would be great... I'd love it... but it's very improbable!

Which is probably why, once I finish paying off my credit card loans and stuff I will start to look more thoroughly for a job where I can do the things that I like!

A job where I can be involved in web design or stuff on the internet... and work during the day or on my own hours where I won't put my body through so much stress!

Wow, that was longer than I expected it to be, so I'll just leave it at that for now.